another day

The other day, I visited sarojini nagar market. Although it’s a bit tacky and crowded at times(?), but to buy certain types of items, sarojini market is the best. So once in a while, I visit the market , to buy small, sweet things to decorate my room or some similar stuff.
While moving through the narrow lanes further narrowed by the bulk stocks of clothes (rehri samaan) spreaded on the ground of the two sides of the lane, suddenly a shopkeeper shouted looking at me {as seen with my crooked eye}……
MADAM MADAM….GID GAYA GID GAYA (fell down, fell down)

I stopped at once and checked everything in me, all over me, as soon as possible. Everything was ok. I turned and looked at him….
A dark guy, with sparkling, shining 'happydent' white teeth, holding a white tshirt at his hand said with extreme amusement and in a calm, irritating voice, “MADAM, ISS SHIRT KA DAAM”,(Maam, this shirt's price has fallen down)

I was all red. All eyes were on me and in such weird moments, instead of being angry, I find them funny. I somehow controlled my smile and behaved as if nothing happened. But a smile betrayed me and escaped my lips and adding to their amusement. I left the place without giving them a second glance.

Today is Saturday. we have half days on Saturdays in the office. I came home at 2. Said hi to a friend in the paying guest I live and came upstairs to my room. Its all dark. Theres no ventilation in my room. I put on the light. Freshen up. Next what? Tomorrow I will go out with friends. No plans for today. I hit the bed and thought of goin to sleep. But when you have nothing important to do or you are free to sleep, neend nahi aati.actually it’s a fact. On weekends I actually get up early in the morning, since I can sleep for a long time and on weekdays even if I get 5minutes more to sleep its heavenly. Anyway, I couldnot sleep and varied thoughts ttacked me like hell. I remembered a day of my childhood. My parents are both working. On Saturdays, I used to come home early. I don’t remember clearly, maybe my dad brought me home from school and he went sleeping. I was all alone in the room. My mom was at her workplace, my sisters, both older to me, were in their respective institutions. My dad being a professor could take breaks inbetween his lectures. I remember it was a cloudy day, and I felt a real pain in my heart. Maybe the loneliness. I knew my mom would be back within an hour and then my dad would go back to his college. Buit that one hour was so unbearable for me. Maybe I was in the 3rd standard then. Yes, I was small, but felt the pain very hard. I was almost crying. I switched on the tv, ‘hip hip hurray’ was on air. I liked that serial. My mind was diverted. Seeing them, I dreamt, one day I too will grow up and be like them. I too will have friends, boyfriend. We will talk lots of stuff. I became happy with all those hopes popping in my heart. I began dreaming. I went out to our verandah, the jhali was closed at the top, I looked out through the small gaps in the jhali into the cloudy sky with glittering eyes and a smile adorned my lips. I was all lost in thoughts. My mom arrived and kissed my cheeks. I was her darling. And I don’t remember further. It became another day.
Today, I felt the same pain. All of a sudden. But things change so much as you grow old. You are the same. Surrounding changes, situations change. But the only thing that has remained same in both the days is ‘ my hope’. I dressed up, fetched an auto and went out . with eyes glittering and lips smiling. i wonder if ‘hope’ is an excuse, I have been using since my kindergarten days, to get rid of the real situation? But its something inbuilt within me. I don’t hope cause I want to. I feel, life is ‘ok’ today, was ‘not bad’ yesterday and ‘beautiful’ tomorrow. Because its still unseen.