CRUSH

Shilpi was on her way to school. She boarded the school bus. She was excited to give Runa the news. She knew, Runa must have got to know about it the previous day, she might have been jealous for a moment; after all it was not a simple matter that her poem was published in ‘the sentinel’. Her eyes began searching for her dear friend, but what’s this, she couldn’t find Runa in the bus. Shilpi’s bus stop is next to Runa’s. Everyday Runa used to grin at her with eyes shining when Shilpi boarded the bus, everybody in the bus knew that the seat near Runa’s was reserved for her friend. No one used to sit there. It became a habit for everyone. But Runa was a very sweet girl, very honest. She always felt guilty when little students boarding the bus with Shipi looked at the seat with longing eyes with a wish to sit there instead of sitting at the back seats. So, always she used to scold Shilpi,
 “Shilpi, why don’t you come a little faster.”
“Why?” Shilpi asks although she’s quite acquainted of the answer.
“No, it’s very difficult to keep the seat. Those small kids wish to seat here, and I don’t like to deprive them of it….” Runa says with an offended face. 
But Shilpi understands the remaining part that was not said that although she didn’t want to deprive those kids of the seat, she also wanted her friend to sit near her because they had so much to talk, about the new pepsi ad, starring SRK, about their social studies' unit test, and of course, about the new senior student whom they saw talking with the most strict teacher of the school the other day. The teacher never talks to anybody, and that day, she was laughing with that senior student. What could be the reason behind? No one but only Shilpi was the one with whom she could quench her thirst. Her larger than life grin and shining eyes, revealed that.
Finally Shilpi’s large eyes dimmed when the bus conductor said to her smiling, “today your friend didn’t come”
Shilpi smiled, “Runa can’t miss school today, she might have missed the bus; she’ll come, she’ll board the bus in that flyover stoppage”, she added as a quick after thought.
She took a backseat. She was very angry; no one else in the bus would understand her excitement. She would just nearly kill Runa in school. ‘How dare she is to miss the bus!’ She had so much to say her. The reaction of her parents and that of her elder brother who always used to bully her, on seeing the poem.   Oh! She has already started missing Runa. So engrossed was she in her thoughts that she was unaware of Aniket drawing up alongside.
“Shilpi…”, a smart rabbit like eyed Aniket interrupted.
“Hey…..hi”, a little amazed, Shilpi uttered.
“Yesterday your poem was published in the newspaper, right?’ Aniket asked her on his way to sitting near the window just behind her seat.
‘Yeah…..’Shilpi replied, a bit surprised.
‘I read it, it was excellent’
‘Thank you’
‘There you’ve written that your birthday falls on May. Does it really fall on May or…..?’
‘Oh no, it’s just for the sake of the poem…just to make it rhyme....’
She was not satisfied with her answer. She felt a fool, a bit nervous. After all someone is asking something about her creation. She continued, ‘since in the previous line there was uncle pay at the end, so I gave may at the end of the other line…..you know pay….may…, rhyming nah?” what a stupid explanation, she thought.
He smiled nodding his head. A sweet smile expressing that he had understood what she had explained. But his eyes had something else to say. It may be a look of awe, praise and respect that she could write such a nice poem that the publishers there liked it so much that they had published it. Was it that simple? Should she feel proud of it? But he looked at her for a while and smiled, and she felt some mystery underlying it, she felt funny in her knees. Their conversation ended there. After all, they are not close friends. They knew each other but don’t usually talk, just smiles, if by chance their eyes sometimes met; Aniket happened to be the most intelligent and smart boy in their class. And he was very cute too. At the age of 11, a boy could not be called handsome, after all. In fact, he was very sweet. He had red lips and his cheeks got pink, when he smiled. His hair fell on his forehead, and those fringes get moist due to extreme sweating, giving a wet look. He was always on the go, just kept on running here and there with his friends. He was always the leader in whatever the boys did because his friends although equally mischievous, were not smart enough as him, to take the lead. He was a good sportsperson and was a good debator too. He was the favorite of the PT sir. And he had an answer to all questions. He was every teachers favorite. And he had a kid sister too and was quite protective on her part. Sort of a hero! And the icing to the cake was that he was the third rank holder of the class. Runa and Shilpi exchanging the first two ranks. So, although he came after her in studies, but the best among the other boys in class. Shilpi just felt great when she recollected the conversation with Aniket again. Today she felt different; she wanted to avoid the thought that was trying its best to make a position of itself in her mind. She didn’t want to give this thought a green signal because she was afraid that it might hamper her in her studies.
Runa boarded the bus in the flyover stoppage. She was already told about Shilpi, where she was sitting, by the conductor. She headed towards her with her usual grin and shining eyes. 
“Shilpi”, she shouted. Shilpi woke up from her dreams, from that disturbed state of mind.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
‘I saw your poem yesterday; my mom said it was great.’
Shilpi smiled but thought at heart, ‘jealous, she told about her mother but didn’t say that she liked it too.”
But anyways, they were friends. Jealousy was a part, but both of them knew that they loved each other, they were the best friends. When they met each other they talked so much that they just forget what’s going on in the world around, forget about jealousy. But today Shilpi just listened; she was occupied.
Runa was a typical happy go lucky girl, tall, lean with laugh wrinkles at the corner of her eyes. She seemed to be excited about every single thing under the sun. shilpi was waiting for the appropriate time to tell her the news. 
She said, ‘Runa, today Aniket told he had read my poem yesterday and…his father liked it’ she thought, ‘hmm, a lie, why I didn’t say he liked it.’ Anyways she continued, ‘I was surprised, he talked to me; I didn’t know he talks to girls also’ and she giggled.
‘Aniket? He often talks to me. At times, he surpasses the limit. Sometimes I get bored. Sometimes he tries to be too friendly. But he’s sweet, isn’t he?’
‘Hmmm…!’ Shilpi didnt like her response.

That night she went to sleep early. But sleep was a confusion of dreams. She decided, ‘instead of struggling with this confusion, let’s think about it in details. After all it’s just a thought. And the first thought that attacked her as soon as she permitted the entry of that thought, was, ‘Is Aniket in love with me?’ her heart sank. Suddenly she felt shy. She drew her face more close to the pillow and pressed her left cheek along with the nose against it. After that, loads of thoughts attacked her one after another. She thought, ‘may be....,ummm because, errr.... after all, I am the topper of the class. I am intelligent, outspoken, sincere, smart and quite pretty. And I am liked by my teachers too. I always get highest marks in the unit tests; at least always score more than him. And finally, my poem has been published in the newspaper. Her thoughts went wild, ‘if he comes to me and proposes me? What will I do?’ she came back to her senses. She put a halt to her thoughts. She thought, ‘no Shilpi, no. stop thinking. Think about your next unit test. If you keep on thinking this, Runa will get the highest marks. So, forget everything, concentrate on social studies now.’
With those strict instructions, she composed herself for a nap. These days she worked very hard. That thought tried to disturb her, but she locked her heart’s door, strictly prohibited its entry. When that thought came to her mind on seeing him in the class or at bus, she quickly ordered her mind to think about the main points of harappan civilization that was the most important part of the test. She began to recollect the points and consequently her mind got disturbed from that thought. 
Her test was over. She gave out a sigh of satisfaction. It went well. A smile adorned her lips, she gave her best. Now there’s no more tension till the announcement of the next test. 
She thought on her way home from the bus stop, ‘if by chance he becomes ‘the one’, I will tell him the wishes I have never told anybody else, and listen to his’. We will meet everyday after school in that old church, and talk for hours. He speaks a lot, so, he will speak and I will smile at him silently, being a quiet listener, he will make me laugh by his humorous jokes. We can plan our future together. If we can go to the same college for higher studies, it will be so great.’ 
That night she let her thoughts go wild. But generally it always happens that when we do not want to think something, it comes over to our mind again and again, but when we set it free, when we sit properly to concentrate on that particular thought clearly, we feel as if that thought is the most stupid thing in the world, it ends so quickly that we have nothing left to think after that. We try our best to make it beautiful but it just vanishes; the same thing happened with Shilpi that night.
She started, ‘my dad knows his dad. He once said that they belong to good, old family of the town. And his mother once told my brother, when he met him on our way back from the tuition, ‘Shilpi is a very good girl. All the teachers in school says so, I have seen her maths’ answer sheet, everything is written so neatly, every examiner would love to give her marks. I always tell Aniket to write like her. But he is very naughty, you know’, well, that means she will approve of me. And my parents will also not say no to Aniket, I think. Is he the one?’ a smile escaped her lips, ‘no man! What am I thinking….my man will be different’ 
She thought again, ‘but, if he comes to me and …’ 
‘Are all these really going to happen?’ she felt a pain in her heart.
‘What rubbish, why will he come to me? He is just a friend. Stupid. And anyways, what do you know about him, his likes, dislikes, his ambitions, and dear, what rubbish you are up to, you are still too small for all these.’ And she stopped there.
A few days later, as usual, Shilpi and Runa were chatting in the bus.
‘Did you read today’s newspaper?’ Shilpi asked.
‘No, I didn’t get time. Why?’ Runa questioned.
‘The after effects of yesterdays earthquake in Australia in the top stories. Perth was the epicenter.’ Her main motive on saying this was to let her friend know that she knew this new, uncommon word 'epicenter' that she got acquainted with just that morning. Aniket was sitting in front of them and hearing this; he turned around and said, ‘yeah, I have read too. The president is going to pay them some funds and….’ 
Runa thought, ‘showing off, huh! Why didn’t I read the newspaper today!’
‘You girls like reading the newspaper?’ Aniket questioned.
‘Yeah…’, a spontaneous answer to an unexpected question. Not concerning about the reply, he added, ‘I also love to, especially the headlines given in the left side are very interesting, aren’t they?’ he was adressing Shilpi this time.
‘Yes’, shilpi smiled thinking … ‘he talks’.
Usually her brother goes to pick her up from the tuition but that day, the teacher was ill, so they were sent half an hour earlier. She didn’t wait for her brother but went with the group of friends that included both juniors and seniors. Aniket was also in the group. The boys were really very naughty, they shouted the whole way, singing songs, cracking jokes, teasing each other etc. she heard Aniket saying something which really made her laugh. It goes something like this, ‘you know my friend’s grandma died when she was five years old.’
‘What? ha ….ha..ha..!’ everybody laughed.
Shilpi murmured to herself, ‘he is humorous too.’
That day again she dreamt, ‘he’s not bad.’ Again the same thought came. But today she sat down to dream it in a beautiful day. She thought of directing the scene;’ if while coming from art school….no, usually Runa accompanied her while coming from the art school and if not Runa, her other friends are always there with her, so she thought of another place, yeah, the bus, suppose Runa is absent like the other day and he comes to me with a nervous and blushing face, proposes me , what will I do? It’s sure that I’ll reject it, the proposal but how, should I be angry and scold him, ‘do you know what are you saying, is this your age to say so? Or should I smile and just say no, after all he is from a good family.’
Next day, Runa didn’t give her the usual grin. She looked at her, smiled in a matured way, but Shilpi could read her eyes, they had been together since the 2nd standard. She understood Runa wanted to say her something but what? She pondered over it and finally thought not to question her. Runa was a girl, who could not keep things for long in her stomach. She would soon tell everything.
In the lunch break, they went to the garden. They were sitting without talking looking at the distant sky. Both occupied by their own thoughts.
Runa was the one to break the silence. ‘Shilpi, I want to say something to you.’ With a female reticence Runa started.
‘Yesterday in music school, a boy….actually I don’t know him nicely, just see him, with the other boys in the art school ….’,she stopped.
‘So? What? Shilpi unable to understand. 
‘Actually, after I reached the class, all the girls were laughing at me. I didn’t understand. then Payal told me that Sunny wanted to say me something.’
‘Who’s Sunny?’ Shilpi with eyes larger than life and a thin smile revealing that she had understood something, questioned her.
‘That was the question that I too asked her’, Runa couldn’t suppress her smile anymore, she was all red but her eyes and her face were glowing too. 
‘I didn’t know that, that boy was Sunny, I knew him but hadn’t talked with him ever. Payal and my other friends laughed at me again on hearing my question.
Sunny gingerly approached me ‘I am sunny and….’
‘And what?’, Shilpi interrupted with excitement when Runa hesitated to say the remaining part.
‘And he proposed me, then and there in front of all.’ she whispered looking down.
‘What?’ Shilpi’s eyes grew bigger than ever. ‘How did he get the courage?’
‘It’s not a matter of courage or such. He felt it and so he said it.’ Runa looked up.
‘What did you say him, you must have scolded him’, Shilpi, still surprised, comforted her nervous friend.
‘No, I just didn’t know what to say. I just smiled. But see, he is prudent….shamelessly bold. Straightway he said it.’ Runa uttered.
Prudent was the word that they got that morning in the English chapter, which was being taught. Shilpi secretly admired Runa that she could use that new word so well, in the right situation. But anyways, she was a bit surprised on hearing Runa. If she were in her place, she would have straightway scolded the boy.
‘Why did you smile? What did you mean by that?’ shilpi said after a pause.
‘I don’t know, I didn’t mean anything. My smile was spontaneous.’
‘But if he thinks that you accepted his proposal, then?’
‘Then what?’
‘Means, he will be your boyfriend and you are his…’
‘Yeah, may be. Anyways, what’s wrong in having one? After a pause Runa continued, ‘actually I couldn’t say no to him. His heart might break. So, I thought its wise to keep quiet.’
‘but you don’t know his family, will he be able to cope with your family, what are his ambitions in life, if he thinks in the same line as you, …..’Runa interrupted, with a smile, ‘ silly girl, you are taking it too critically,’
Shilpi didn’t like her attitude, ‘she’s different from me.’, she thought.

Later that day, on her way home from the bus stoppage, she thought over the whole conversation they had. Runa said that there’s no harm in having one boyfriend. She thought about Aniket, ‘no, no’, a voice came from her heart, she asked herself,
‘Then what were all those?’
‘Just…fantasies of the mind.’ a smile escaped her lips and she hit her head lightly with her palm.
Then by and by, that thought found its own place in her heart and it remained in her heart. It disturbed her a lot, and she kept on dealing with it the same way. After about five-six months, there was the school day celebration. Shilpi was participting in a drama. She knew Aniket would be singing a song but didn’t give much attention towards it. Their drama was over. They were highly appreciated. Shilpi with her co-partner in the drama, Vanshita, sat among the audience to enjoy the other programs of the night, and more honestly, to take some rest. Vanshita was also in the same class. She is a good actress. She was playing the lead role in the dance drama. They enjoyed a lot, sitting among the audience and watching programs while their other friends were standing behind the audience, and some controlling the uncontrollable juniors. Generally students are not allowed to sit and that was the main reason of their excitement. The song by Aniket was announced, they sat properly to watch their classmate performing.
He sang a Bryan Adam’s number. It was great. He looked very very cute. He was smiling throughout the whole song. He has his own charisma. He looked so appealing. Shilpi didn’t change a glance anywhere else. She dreamt, ‘he sings, I dance….’
Vanshita said in the midst of the song, ‘he sings well, doesn’t he?’
‘Yeah…’ Shilpi smiled back at Vanshita, 
‘I am thinking … when he would be a bit older…means….bigger in both age and height, he would be ……just perfect,……nah?’ with eyes, lips, face smiling, these words popped out from Shilpi's mouth.
‘You are so right’, Vanshita said, with the same excitement and longing.
Then they exchanged a mischivious smile, they knew not why, but man, what are they talking, what did she mean by that. They just smiled, didn’t talk about that anymore. There was silence, but there was no silence in Shilpi’s heart. The thought, today, flowed like a volcanic eruption, ‘if he comes to me and………..’
She looked at him again. 
‘Would it be a mistake to say no?........Shilpi? Should I say yes?’ She tried her utter best to hold her smile, she sneezed, she coughed, but no, the smile was out there, right from the heart. She couldn’t stop it, finally she gave way, and smiled openly. She felt so wonderful. She looked down at her feet, her face all red.
Suddenly She heared Vanshita uttering something, ‘His father has got transferred. They will go to Delhi.’
'What?' Suddenly her heart sank, she shouted ‘Who said you that?’
‘Yesterday, during the rehearsals, Aniket himself said that to PT sir.’
Shilpi looked at Aniket again. He was still singing. He was still singing well, he was still looking very cute, handsome and appealing.’
She whispered to herself, ‘anyways, I was going to say him no.’ she sighed.